Dating and Courtship After Marriage

In "The Family: a Proclamation to the World" it states that, "by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." (https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng) We each have important roles as men and women in family life. I recently learned that dating can help us practice and sharpen our skills we need in our roles as Husband and Wife. This graphic explains some of the relationships between the skills we learn while dating and how they affect our roles in marriage.

When a date is paid for by the man he is demonstrating that he can be the provider for the family. When he plans that date he is practicing his ability to preside over the family in love and righteousness. When the couple is paired off and showing special attention to each other over everyone else in the group the man is demonstrating his ability to be chivalrous and protect his date. The woman has the ability to nurture the man in his role and help both of them make good decisions together. This is why it is so important to continue dating after marriage, because it helps husband and wife practice and recognize their roles in relation to each other while also responding to the situation and environment.

I challenge everyone to make it a priority to go on regular dates with your spouses. I know it will richly bless your life together. 

Family Culture

Every family has a culture. Sometimes it is influenced by the culture of their nation. Other times it is influenced by their religious culture. A culture simply is the symbols, beliefs, language, values, and artifacts of a people. It's what unites a group of individuals who share these symbols, beliefs, language, values, and artifacts. What is unique about a family culture is that it's different for every generation, and it's a compilation of many different "cultures". Each new couple starting their family brings two different family cultures together. As my husband and I are learning, different parts of these two cultures work well together while others do not. We have to pick and choose which symbols, beliefs, language, values, and artifacts we are going to keep in our family culture. We also have to decide what new symbols, beliefs, language, values, and artifacts we are going to create for our new family. Even after you are married your family dynamic and culture continues to change. We have to continually decide what culture we want to create and perpetuate in our family. I challenge you to think about your family culture. What traditions do you continue from your family or your spouses family? What symbols, beliefs, language, values, and artifacts are new to your family? Finally think about what you can do to perpetuate the parts of your family culture that are good and healthy for your family. Then I challenge you to make a plan for how you can continue those parts of your family culture, and how you can better your family culture.

Family Rules and Roles

      Every family has a set of rules they follow, and every family member has roles that they play in the family. Each family's set of rules and roles are unique to their family. Some are spoken, like the roles of mother and father, others are unspoken like the rule that when someone is talking you listen to them and don't interrupt. These roles and rules affect the family's and individual family members' behavior. There is a certain balance of roles and rules that is called the homeostasis of the family. For most families they have a relatively positive homeostasis environment, but there is always something the family could be working on to make their family environment a more positive atmosphere. For example a family might struggle with members thinking negatively about themselves or others in their family. An unspoken family rule might be that it's okay to think or say negative things about oneself or others. This negative thinking might be causing strain on the family environment and there needs to be some change. The family can then work together to overcome this habit or "rule" that isn't helping their family.
      My Husband and I are currently working on not thinking negatively about ourselves so we've set up some spoken rules to help us better understand our roles as wife, husband, daughter, and son of God. Some of our rules are that we aren't allowed to say degrading comments about ourselves to each other, another is that every day we will write down one thing we love about ourselves and the other person somewhere we can both see it. Another rule is that we will say family and personal prayers. Through these rules we can strengthen our relationship with ourselves and with God. Because we believe our relationship is like a triangle. God at the head, and us equally yoked at the bottom. As we both move closer to our Heavenly Father we become closer, and have a more sure foundation for our marriage.

I challenge you to discuss as a family what you could be working on to strengthen your relationship. Then make a plan, come up with some family rules that will help you strengthen your family relationship. Discuss your individual roles and how they can help you strengthen your family.