1. 1) Family Systems Theory
The Family Systems Theory is the
explanation for why and how a family works together. In a family there are
roles and rules. Roles determine what part each family member plays in the
grand picture of the family. Roles often can be set roles like “mother” and “father”,
while others are more unique to that individual such as the “funny one” and the
“emotional one”. Families are also built up on rules. Rules determine the way a
family will function together. Some rules are spoken like curfew is at 10 o’clock,
while others are unspoken like mom is the head of the family when dad’s not
home. Every family operates at its level of homeostasis or the state of being
everyone is accustomed to. Some families this point of homeostasis is healthy
for all relationships, on the other hand some can be very unhealthy for some or
everyone in the family.
2. 2) Family Culture
The definition of culture is the symbols,
beliefs, language, values, and artifacts of a people. Our families all have a
culture. A system of beliefs, language, and traditions. A tradition is an
inherited pattern or belief. A family’s culture affects what traditions a
family participates in, and a families traditions affect the family culture.
Together traditions and culture can make a family more unified and a safe place
for all of its family members. This is why it is so important for us to always
cultivate a family culture that is uplifting and healthy.
3. 3) Gender Identity and Roles
According to the world, your sex is the
biological identity of being male or female. While gender is your social
identity of being male or female. However we know that gender is eternal no
matter is you want to be a girl or a boy, what you are biologically is what you
will be for eternity. If families continue to allow the world to teach their
children that gender is relative the family will deteriorate. Mothers and
fathers won’t know the roles hey are supposed to play in the family. Children
will be confused about who they are and whether or not they even want to have a
traditional family. We need to continue to fight for the nuclear family because
that family structure is what helps a society successfully function.
4. 4) Dating in Preparation for Marriage
When men and women date in preparation for
marriage it is important that we help each other exemplify our divine roles.
For a man he should demonstrate his ability to protect, provide, and preside. Women
should demonstrate that they can nurture. Women can nurture by encouraging the
man to live his divine roles. Men can protect by paying attention to his date
exclusively even if they are in a larger group. Men can provide by paying for
the date. Men can preside by planning the date. Together by living these roles
they can see how they will fulfill these roles, and see each other’s personalities.
5. 5) Fidelity in Marriage
There are four types of affairs: fantasy,
visual, romantic, and sexual. Fantasy affair is when the individual who is
being fantasized about has no idea the affair is going on. Visual affairs are
when something visual stimulates a sexual response, like pornography. A
romantic affair is when two individuals begin to develop a relationship as if
they were dating again. Sexual affair is when two people meet together just to
have sex. Ways we can prevent affairs from happening in our marriages are:
Boundaries, always being on your guard, and being fiercely loyal. Having fidelity
is being true to your marriage.
6. 6) Coping
Coping is preparing as a family for a
stressful event before it happens, not just going a long for the ride or just
hanging in there. By coping ahead of time we already have established
relationships and a sort of plan for what the family will do to handle a
stressor or crisis. We do this by increasing communication and establishing
healthy boundaries around and in our family. By establishing boundaries we help
ourselves know who to go to during times of stress. The heat of our trials in
marriage and family life helps us have strong boundaries and strong
relationships.
7. 7) Counsel with Our Councils
Communication is important in a family and
we communicate in so many different ways. A study found that we communicate
with words only 14% of the time, while we communicate with non-verbal cues 35%
of the time, and then most of the time (51%) we communicate with our tone of
voice. This is why it is so important to have regular family councils so the
family can learn how to communicate with one another, and so that children can
have practice effectively communicating. A great way to have a family council
is to first begin by expressing love and appreciation for one another. Second
open with a prayer, Heavenly Father and Christ are at the head of your
household so always invite him in. Third discuss the issue until you reach a
consensus regarding the Lord’s will. Forth end with a prayer. Fifth have an opportunity
to eat refreshments together and continue to express love and appreciation
towards each other.
8. 8) Being an Encouraging Parent
When you are a parent you want to parent as
much as you can in a way that encourages your child. You can do that by
building on their strengths, showing confidence in them, value the child as
they are, and stimulate independence. You also should always let the natural
consequences to do the teaching unless the natural consequence is too
dangerous, too far in the future to be a good teacher, or impacts others. When
you are trying to have your child do something for you, you should always begin
with a polite request. Then if that doesn’t help them see the importance of
doing what you asked give an “I” message. Which sounds like: “When you do
________, I feel __________.” Then if that doesn’t get through to them give a
quick firm reminder. Finally if nothing else works give a logical consequence.
9. 9) How to Be a Blended Family
Blended families have a difficult time
adjusting to each other. It’s important for them to realize that it will take
at least 2 or more years for the family to reach a state of normalcy. Which
means they will know how the family culture is and what the family traditions
are. They also will have reach a small sense of security. The birth parent
should always discipline their child. The child is use to that parent and knows
they love them, it is the safest way to insure the family can stay together.
The step parent act more like a fantastic aunt or uncle. They should set clear
expectations; be warm open, and accepting; and support the biological parents. Every
issue between step parent and biological parent should be talked about behind
closed doors.
1 10) Be Deliberate
No matter what family you come from its
important that you don’t let yourself become a victim of circumstance. Be a
proactive member of your family or origin and your new family. It’s your responsibility
to determine your family culture, your definitions of gender, how you will
remain faithful to your spouse, what you will do as a family to cope, how you
will have family councils, and how you will be an encouraging parent. You need
to be deliberate in everything you do for and in your family. You are the
master of your fate, don’t let it take you for a wild ride.
