Top Ten Things You Should Know About The Family

This semester has been one of the most challenging and influential in my life. I've learned so much especially from my Family Relations class. I just wanted to share with you guys the top ten things that I've learn and have found most important in family life. I challenge you to apply something you've learned from my list.

1.     1) Family Systems Theory

The Family Systems Theory is the explanation for why and how a family works together. In a family there are roles and rules. Roles determine what part each family member plays in the grand picture of the family. Roles often can be set roles like “mother” and “father”, while others are more unique to that individual such as the “funny one” and the “emotional one”. Families are also built up on rules. Rules determine the way a family will function together. Some rules are spoken like curfew is at 10 o’clock, while others are unspoken like mom is the head of the family when dad’s not home. Every family operates at its level of homeostasis or the state of being everyone is accustomed to. Some families this point of homeostasis is healthy for all relationships, on the other hand some can be very unhealthy for some or everyone in the family.

2.      2) Family Culture

The definition of culture is the symbols, beliefs, language, values, and artifacts of a people. Our families all have a culture. A system of beliefs, language, and traditions. A tradition is an inherited pattern or belief. A family’s culture affects what traditions a family participates in, and a families traditions affect the family culture. Together traditions and culture can make a family more unified and a safe place for all of its family members. This is why it is so important for us to always cultivate a family culture that is uplifting and healthy.

3.       3) Gender Identity and Roles

According to the world, your sex is the biological identity of being male or female. While gender is your social identity of being male or female. However we know that gender is eternal no matter is you want to be a girl or a boy, what you are biologically is what you will be for eternity. If families continue to allow the world to teach their children that gender is relative the family will deteriorate. Mothers and fathers won’t know the roles hey are supposed to play in the family. Children will be confused about who they are and whether or not they even want to have a traditional family. We need to continue to fight for the nuclear family because that family structure is what helps a society successfully function.

4.       4) Dating in Preparation for Marriage

When men and women date in preparation for marriage it is important that we help each other exemplify our divine roles. For a man he should demonstrate his ability to protect, provide, and preside. Women should demonstrate that they can nurture. Women can nurture by encouraging the man to live his divine roles. Men can protect by paying attention to his date exclusively even if they are in a larger group. Men can provide by paying for the date. Men can preside by planning the date. Together by living these roles they can see how they will fulfill these roles, and see each other’s personalities.

5.       5) Fidelity in Marriage

There are four types of affairs: fantasy, visual, romantic, and sexual. Fantasy affair is when the individual who is being fantasized about has no idea the affair is going on. Visual affairs are when something visual stimulates a sexual response, like pornography. A romantic affair is when two individuals begin to develop a relationship as if they were dating again. Sexual affair is when two people meet together just to have sex. Ways we can prevent affairs from happening in our marriages are: Boundaries, always being on your guard, and being fiercely loyal. Having fidelity is being true to your marriage.

6.       6) Coping

Coping is preparing as a family for a stressful event before it happens, not just going a long for the ride or just hanging in there. By coping ahead of time we already have established relationships and a sort of plan for what the family will do to handle a stressor or crisis. We do this by increasing communication and establishing healthy boundaries around and in our family. By establishing boundaries we help ourselves know who to go to during times of stress. The heat of our trials in marriage and family life helps us have strong boundaries and strong relationships.

7.       7) Counsel with Our Councils

Communication is important in a family and we communicate in so many different ways. A study found that we communicate with words only 14% of the time, while we communicate with non-verbal cues 35% of the time, and then most of the time (51%) we communicate with our tone of voice. This is why it is so important to have regular family councils so the family can learn how to communicate with one another, and so that children can have practice effectively communicating. A great way to have a family council is to first begin by expressing love and appreciation for one another. Second open with a prayer, Heavenly Father and Christ are at the head of your household so always invite him in. Third discuss the issue until you reach a consensus regarding the Lord’s will. Forth end with a prayer. Fifth have an opportunity to eat refreshments together and continue to express love and appreciation towards each other.

8.       8) Being an Encouraging Parent

When you are a parent you want to parent as much as you can in a way that encourages your child. You can do that by building on their strengths, showing confidence in them, value the child as they are, and stimulate independence. You also should always let the natural consequences to do the teaching unless the natural consequence is too dangerous, too far in the future to be a good teacher, or impacts others. When you are trying to have your child do something for you, you should always begin with a polite request. Then if that doesn’t help them see the importance of doing what you asked give an “I” message. Which sounds like: “When you do ________, I feel __________.” Then if that doesn’t get through to them give a quick firm reminder. Finally if nothing else works give a logical consequence.

9.       9) How to Be a Blended Family

Blended families have a difficult time adjusting to each other. It’s important for them to realize that it will take at least 2 or more years for the family to reach a state of normalcy. Which means they will know how the family culture is and what the family traditions are. They also will have reach a small sense of security. The birth parent should always discipline their child. The child is use to that parent and knows they love them, it is the safest way to insure the family can stay together. The step parent act more like a fantastic aunt or uncle. They should set clear expectations; be warm open, and accepting; and support the biological parents. Every issue between step parent and biological parent should be talked about behind closed doors.

1   10) Be Deliberate

No matter what family you come from its important that you don’t let yourself become a victim of circumstance. Be a proactive member of your family or origin and your new family. It’s your responsibility to determine your family culture, your definitions of gender, how you will remain faithful to your spouse, what you will do as a family to cope, how you will have family councils, and how you will be an encouraging parent. You need to be deliberate in everything you do for and in your family. You are the master of your fate, don’t let it take you for a wild ride.